Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Time to brush my teeth

I told a friend tonight that I've been spending most of my time alone lately and that it's changing my perspective on a lot of things. I don't know if I said it because it's true or if I said it because I am trying to get accustomed to the fact that it might be true, but nonetheless I know I've been spending a significant time by myself lately and it definitely has altered my perceptions. I've spent so long, more than just these past years at ACU, always trying to be at the right place at the right time with the right people doing the most fun thing I could be doing at that very moment. The age of cell phones has gotten us out of making plans and sticking to them and carried us into an age of calling around until we find the best option. Anyway, my friend responded that spending most of your time alone is the best thing to do. I don't know that I agree, but I do know that, although I definitely have benefitted and grown from community, I think my leaps-and-bounds kind of growth comes from the times when I hang out with just me. I quit trying to impress myself about a year ago and so it's become rather refreshing to be able to be myself with myself and my thoughts and really get where I'm trying to go without an ego or false self perception getting in the way. I'm working towards the point where I'm no longer trying to impress anyone else, either, and though I'm getting remarkably close let's be real, I'm a 21 year old female. So I just started this book called Two Views on Women in Ministry for a class I'm in and it's making me realize that I have very strong beliefs and very strong opinions and rarely do I have anything concrete to back up those beliefs and opinions. Don't get me wrong, I can straight fool you into thinking that I do have solid research and conviction to back it up, but really all I have done is stolen someone else's conviction and plagiarized it as my own. Perhaps plagiarized is a strong term, but as I read this book that's how I feel. It's a good feeling, though, because it makes me want to study and learn more about why I think I believe what I do. Recently I have had this hunger for the Word that I have never before had in my life. A hunger for the Word has now replaced what used to be a hunger for a hunger for the Word. Now I've skipped the guilt and gone straight to seeking answers to questions, rather than wishing I had the desire to seek answers to questions. Get it? Doesn't matter. This post has lots of tangents and few readers. Time to brush my teeth.

1 comment:

Christie said...

i want that too.

all of that that you said.